Balance

I've been having trouble finding a balance between fun and responsibility. I've gone on great hikes, frequented my favorite restaurants, and explored all the fun local activities my neighborhood has to offer. Do I regret doing all these things? Of course not. But, I do feel like I've been ignoring quite a few tasks and chores that need to be done. There is so much to do- clean, clean, clean, paint, organize for a yard sale I'm having in a couple weeks, work out in the yard, clean, go to the dentist, order more contact lenses, clean, wash my car, take care of medical prescriptions, and clean. I haven't done those things. I should have done some of those things a long, long time ago. I get upset with myself for not doing these things in a timely matter.

So today I change that. It's my day off, and when I would normally be out kayaking, hiking, roller skating, doing ANYTHING that helps me melt away the stresses of the work week, I sit inside, blogging away while trees are being removed from my yard so we can build a fence and map out what we hope to be our beautiful back yard. After I finish typing, I'm heading out to buy more painter's tape, and then I'll paint the master bedroom. Hell, maybe I'll even vacuum today, or scrub a toilet- who knows where the day will take me. Adventures a plenty? Sort of (maybe not the toilet part). It's a step in the right direction of telling myself that even these moments, full of responsibility, tedious work and- well, toilet scrubbing, are shaping me, and helping me find that I'm not missing out on life when I'm taking care of my life. Does that make sense? I hope so, otherwise I'm going to go out for a bike ride and screw it all.

Last Friday, Greg and I hiked to the peak of Saddle Mountain. We've done this hike once before, and just like last time, it was a bit of a challenge. There's an elevation gain of over 1600 feet, and the last part of the hike is pretty damn steep. It's worth it in the end, though, because once you reach the top, you're able to see the Cascade Mountain peaks and the coast. A 360 degree view of amazing landscape is all the reward I need.








I was feeling pretty proud of myself. I thought, "man this was kind of hard. I. Am. VICTORIOUS." Then I saw a man reach the summit with a kid hitching a ride on his shoulders. Victory party over. Maybe I need to work out more.

My Mother

My mother...

is crazy
makes me cry almost every time I talk to her
wishes I made more money
has asked complete strangers whether they think God is a man or a woman
teases her hair more than a bully teases a nerd
has made a lot of mistakes
totaled her car about a month ago
blacked out about a month ago
has nervous break-downs from time to time
wishes I went to college
has given me several anxiety attacks
wishes I didn't get married at such a young age
breaks my heart about once every three months
is hard to understand
doesn't try hard enough
tries my patience

is human

is human

is human


My mother...

is a woman
is her own person
lost her mom at the age of nine, and I don't think has ever recovered from it
has gone through more shit than anyone I know
has endured struggles that I think would break me
has overcome obstacles that she doesn't realize are huge accomplishments
is stronger than she likes to believe
has goals and dreams that I am unaware of
has a life that I am unaware of
has an endless amount of love to give to her family, but doesn't know how to show it
is brave
is funny
is beautiful

is human

is my mother

and I love her.

Thank You, Farmers

Today marked the launching of this season's Beaverton Farmers Market. I don't know why I love going to the market so much. Well, yes- yes I do know why. Aside from The Soup Lady (I will learn her name one day), the nuns who make mustard, and the best tomatoes I've ever laid eyes on, the market is a place where I get to run into friends I don't normally hang out with. Cory, Kelli (not today, but one weekend, I'm sure)and even Babs made an appearance. Plus, I have a huge appreciation and admiration for everyone who hauls their butts out of bed before the sun comes up, and works that tired butt off to bring the public some of the finest products, and to make an honest living. It's a dying art, and I like to support it when I can.

There's something very welcoming about the people, and about this particular market in general. Beaverton is a fairly decent size city with- well- nothing to do. I actually don't hang out there unless I'm working or at the market, but on those Saturday mornings, in that parking lot by the library, I feel as if I've been transported into a small town....and I like it. I wouldn't live there, but when it comes to the market, I sure as hell like to visit.

I meant to bring my camera with me, but I left it in my car. Next time, I'll post pictures.

Sometimes I feel like I have to write on this thing to feel like there's a reason for having a blog. But a lot of days pass by, and I think to myself, "this was a good day, but does anyone care to hear about it?" and the answer is usually probably not. They're good days, great days, but nothing spectacular. For instance...

Yesterday:

Greg and I had a wonderfully relaxing day. We started it off by strolling up and down Hawthorne, checking out all the fun local shops. I bought a really cute black cardigan with roses and anchors lining the shoulders. Then we stopped by a little food shop called Pastaworks and picked up some fresh baked Focaccia, my favorite type of olives (Castelvetrano), and some other goodies to enjoy on a picnic. After the picnic, we drove back home and both took a nap together on the couch. About an hour and a half later, we were feeling refreshed and ready for a little more outdoor activity. We hopped onto our bikes and rode to our local butcher shop to pick up dinner. Greg pulled out the barbecue, I worked in the kitchen, and we made a fantastic dinner of steak with sauteed mushrooms, steamed asparagus and the rest of the focaccia from Pastaworks. Delightful? Yes. Blog-worthy? Not particularly.

Life is good. I am happy. I mean, really happy. I'm at a very peaceful place in my life, and I don't feel like I need to shout it from the rooftops. In the past, I would talk about how great life was because life wasn't great. Whether it was to talk about it aloud enough to convince myself, or to tell everyone about it to put on the facade of someone who has it all together, I wasn't truly happy. Who knows if I was fooling everyone else, but I know I was never fooling myself. It was like I was afraid to disappoint people for not having a good life. Silly, huh? Now, life is good (not perfect, of course) and I don't worry about how everyone else is perceiving my life. I don't need non-stop adventure, but this easy going attitude makes for lack-luster writing. Still, if I have to choose from a life of drama that'll fill up pages or this state of happiness, I'll take the latter, thank you.

Spring is here, and more activities are on their way. Greg and I want to go camping, kayaking, travelling and more. We're working on our house, and hope that we get some big changes done during the summer. It'll hopefully be something worth writing about, but for now, lazy days under the sun are good enough for me.