But there's always Gary Numan in the Background

I've been in a very introspective mood lately. Lots of thinking, little action. I've been thinking of all sorts of things - probably too many to tie into a tidy little blog post, though. Maybe this is a good time for a list. A "Krisha's Thoughts" List. Hmmm...yep. We'll do that.

** I've still been doing a lot of the "should we/shouldn't we" have a baby thinking. So far, I am still completely lost as to what I really want to do.

- Sub-thoughts for this:
**A part of me feels selfish for actually having a baby, but a part of me feels selfish for not having one.
**I've read several articles on how the number of couples choosing to not have kids is on the rise. I agree wholeheartedly with a lot of their reasons for not having one - they made so much sense to me, yet they also made me feel somewhat sad.
**I find myself looking at cute kids a lot. I also find myself cringing at kids misbehaving, or kids with an excessive amount of drool or snot on them.
**Condoms are easier to change than diapers, and a pill is easier to swallow than hospital bills and the cost of an education.

Ok, more thoughts:

**I made a decision a while back to donate my hair again. My hair is getting quite long, but ten inches (the minimun donation length) is a lot of hair, and if I cut it now, my hair will be REALLY short, which is not a flattering length on me. I want to cut my hair RIGHT NOW, to a desired length, but I'm resisting. I feel unpleasantly plain and boiring with this long hair, but I feel pretty damn vain for wanting to cut it before I can donate it. The fact that this matter is even occupying my limited brain capacity makes me feel silly.

**I wish Edgar knew how to go to the bathroom in the toilet. His ability to do that would save me so much time, money and unanticipated gagging.

**I don't feel like I've done anything really exciting in the past couple of months. I'm itching to step out of my comfort zone and do something out of my norm, but then I start to worry about how much a new endeavor will cost. I don't like how I always worry about money.

**Greg is going to start a new endeavor, and I'm really excited for him! He is going to get professional training for music production, in a real working studio. I'm glad he's doing something that involves music, which is something that he has always, and will always love. I'm a little jealous, though, because I wish I new what it is that I love to do. It makes me think of what that could be. Regardless of my own lost path right now, I am 1000% behind his decision, and support him all the way.

**I have finally learned to keep my bedroom clean! Small feat of accomplishment for some people, but for Greg and myself, this is up there with surviving the sinking of the Titanic or finding the image of the Virgin Mary in your Cheerios type of miracle. Now I desperately long to actually decorate it so I can stop feeling like I sleep inside of a giant avocado (slight paint selection error on my part, but with some clever decor, I think I can make it work).

**I really wish I had coconut fruit bars in the freezer right now. Or Dippin' Dots! I LOVE that ice cream of the future! I know people knock it, but it just feels so cool (no pun intended)in my mouth. (I know this thought is not very deep, but it's my thought. They're not all winners.)

**For the past two nights I have been feeding my brain with pleasant images before I go to sleep, to see if I'll dream about them...AND I HAVE. For now, I will see this as a coincidence, but if it happens a third - no, let's say a fourth time in a row, you'll have to admit that that's pretty fucking cool.

**With the help of my very good friend, Brook, I have made my very first plushie! I'm currently in the process of finishing two more, so I can give them to my niece and nephews when I visit California. I'm actually having fun with it. I have a lot yet to learn, but I already have ideas for another one. I'll post pictures when I'm done with all of them. Although I like making them (so far), I don't want to feel like I'm copying a craft that my friend has sort of made a niche for. She's the original plushie queen, and I don't want to feel like a copy-cat.

Well, there you have it. The innards of my brain. I've left out the smaller thoughts of "I'm gassy - ooh, bacon - I'm sleepy - I'm hungry - what's that smell - mmm, bacon", but those are usually always streaming in my mind. Those thoughts and the constant streaming of the song "Cars" by Gary Numan...

"'Here in my car
I feel safest of all
I can lock all my doors
It's the only way to live
In cars (doo-do doo-do. doo-do doo-do)"


Gary Numan Pictures

AADD

I have AADD

That's Artist's Attention Deficit Disorder.

I walked into Collage yesterday, where I immediately transformed into a kid in a candy store, or- more accurately- an artist in an art store.

Actually, the more appropriate description would be the starving artist in the art store.

In my dream home, I would have a room that looked like Collage. Every tool imaginable for any craft or artform that exists, all at my fingertips! What do I want to do today? Jewelery making? Ok! How about playing with stamps, or metal, or wood-carving, felt, watercolor, clay, EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING!

Sigh.

But I had $15 to spend, and all the smart-shopping in the world would not prepare me to buy all the goodies I desire with $15 dollars.

So I roamed the store, craft table to craft table...what do I want to work on?

I seem to start about a million projects, and finish none. I can't seem to stick to one medium long enough to see anything through, and that, my friends, is discouraging.

I've got some surprises in the works. Something I've never tried before, so I have a dear friend showing me the ropes. Fingers crossed, let's hope I don't suck, and let's hope even more that I don't give up. Because giving up sucks. I know. I give up on things a lot.

I mean A LOT.

It sucks.

Can you tell that I'm in a sort of rut?

It kind of sucks.