Looking Back

Recently Greg decided to read through almost all of my blog posts. That gave me a great idea: I'm going to copy what he did.

So I did. I read back through all of my posts. Upon doing so, I realized several things:

I've grown. I've become more happy over the past three years of writing on here, and I have become more comfortable in my own skin. Not to say that there isn't A LOT that I can still work on for myself, but self-improvement is a never-ending process. I think if someone can say "I am exactly who I want to be, and I don't need to ever change again," they may need to start back at square one. The world around us is constantly changing. Plants and animals are constantly evolving and adapting to their ever changing environment, so why shouldn't we?

I won't necessarily say that I failed in my efforts to volunteer more. Ok, I failed. I should say it. But that's ok. I wanted to volunteer, so I could give without asking for anything in return. I wanted to do something outside of my little world, because I was feeling like I wasn't making an impact on anyone's life - at times not even my own life. So I went out there, and I looked at a few organizations. I even signed up for the Humane Society - went through all my interviews, orientations and training - and even worked a couple days. But it just wasn't a good fit for me. And while I was making time to volunteer, I was losing time on other aspects of my life that I wanted to work on. Mainly, I wanted (still want) to do more for my family, little gestures, a bigger effort to stay connected with them. Then I thought about the quote (as cheesy as it sounds) "Charity begins at home." My time, my love, my efforts for now (and really always, but not solely), need to go to my family. So I am giving. I am trying. So yes, I did fail in the aspect of traditional volunteering, I will admit that. But in my efforts, I have learned, and I have made helpful discoveries, and that's the best part about failure.

About wanting to cook more. Hmmm....yeah, I do cook more. Do I cook as often as I said I would? No. I had made a small goal for myself, and that was to cook one meal at home every week. I don't really do that. Hell, I forgot that I even wrote about doing that. Bummer. I have learned how to make the most delicious marinated chicken legs ever, though. That's a small accomplishment.

I can say this: I feel good. I like where I am going in my life. I have made changes that I am happy with, and I feel my mistakes and failures have been recognized and accepted with an open mind and humility. I am taking care of myself without feeling guilty or selfish, and that is a pretty big accomplishment for me.