Trying new things scares me. I try to convince myself that staying in a state of comfort and contentment is a good thing. But I know this is not true. I get scared to dive (or even tip-toe) into new endeavors, so I don't try.
No es bueno.
In my attempts to get out of my comfort zone, I have agreed to help a dear friend with a school project. She is taking a children's literature class, and for her final, she needs to create a children's book. My part in this project is to illustrate it.
Yikes.
The past six years of having the title of ARTIST for my occupation would make you think that I'm absolutely bonkers for feeling nervous about illustrating a children's book. But I can't help it, these types of things freak me out. It's one thing to draw endless amounts of food and silly grocery-related images that, for me, hold no emotional attachment. It's become almost an assembly line of sorts, one sign after another, after another, after another - albeit, a fun assembly line. But I don't create these signs for me, nor do I make them for friends and loved ones. I do it for "the man", how he wants it, and I say "ok". That's alright - it's not going in my house.
To take on a project that matters to someone important to me...that's another story, and I don't want to let them down.
But that's why I'm doing it. It forces me to really take pride in the project, to focus, and to use my own imagination. Nothing motivates me more than making sure I'm not letting someone else down.
One of these days, I will mean as much to me as the people I care about. I will care enough to not want to let myself down. One of these days I'll work on projects for myself, because they will help me grow and learn. It's not going to happen today, though. But to tackle this project is the first step to telling myself, "Hi there. I love you."
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