Your Orneriness Makes Me Giggle...JAZZ HANDS!!

I get a certain feeling of satisfaction when I'm in a good mood while everyone else around me is cranky. When one person is in a foul mood, I tend to think, "Hmm, what's their problem?" or, "Okay, I'll stay away from them." But, when it seems like everyone around me is a total cranky-pants, I get a little giddy...

...is that wrong?

You:

I hate you

Me:

Hahahaha! That's great! So great! Life is great!


You:

WHY ARE YOU SO HAPPY?!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!! DIE! DIE! DIE!!!


Me:

Heh. I like you. You make me happy. *Hugs*

Dancing. Dancing makes them more mad, too. Especially when I stare right at them, ear-to-ear grin on my face, lots of arm pumping, and quick jig-like prancing. End it with jazz hands. Yeah...jazz hands.

Perspective

I've been paying a lot of attention to all the recent devastating events around the world. It's heartbreaking, unnerving, eye-opening, and humbling. It takes my everyday life and makes it feel so small and insignificant, yet so precious and safe at the same time.

I love my family.
I love my husband.
I love my friends.
I love my cat.

I am thankful for the job I have, the roof over my head, the easy access to food, medicine, and everything else that I take for granted and makes me sometimes forget how lucky I am.

But there's always Gary Numan in the Background

I've been in a very introspective mood lately. Lots of thinking, little action. I've been thinking of all sorts of things - probably too many to tie into a tidy little blog post, though. Maybe this is a good time for a list. A "Krisha's Thoughts" List. Hmmm...yep. We'll do that.

** I've still been doing a lot of the "should we/shouldn't we" have a baby thinking. So far, I am still completely lost as to what I really want to do.

- Sub-thoughts for this:
**A part of me feels selfish for actually having a baby, but a part of me feels selfish for not having one.
**I've read several articles on how the number of couples choosing to not have kids is on the rise. I agree wholeheartedly with a lot of their reasons for not having one - they made so much sense to me, yet they also made me feel somewhat sad.
**I find myself looking at cute kids a lot. I also find myself cringing at kids misbehaving, or kids with an excessive amount of drool or snot on them.
**Condoms are easier to change than diapers, and a pill is easier to swallow than hospital bills and the cost of an education.

Ok, more thoughts:

**I made a decision a while back to donate my hair again. My hair is getting quite long, but ten inches (the minimun donation length) is a lot of hair, and if I cut it now, my hair will be REALLY short, which is not a flattering length on me. I want to cut my hair RIGHT NOW, to a desired length, but I'm resisting. I feel unpleasantly plain and boiring with this long hair, but I feel pretty damn vain for wanting to cut it before I can donate it. The fact that this matter is even occupying my limited brain capacity makes me feel silly.

**I wish Edgar knew how to go to the bathroom in the toilet. His ability to do that would save me so much time, money and unanticipated gagging.

**I don't feel like I've done anything really exciting in the past couple of months. I'm itching to step out of my comfort zone and do something out of my norm, but then I start to worry about how much a new endeavor will cost. I don't like how I always worry about money.

**Greg is going to start a new endeavor, and I'm really excited for him! He is going to get professional training for music production, in a real working studio. I'm glad he's doing something that involves music, which is something that he has always, and will always love. I'm a little jealous, though, because I wish I new what it is that I love to do. It makes me think of what that could be. Regardless of my own lost path right now, I am 1000% behind his decision, and support him all the way.

**I have finally learned to keep my bedroom clean! Small feat of accomplishment for some people, but for Greg and myself, this is up there with surviving the sinking of the Titanic or finding the image of the Virgin Mary in your Cheerios type of miracle. Now I desperately long to actually decorate it so I can stop feeling like I sleep inside of a giant avocado (slight paint selection error on my part, but with some clever decor, I think I can make it work).

**I really wish I had coconut fruit bars in the freezer right now. Or Dippin' Dots! I LOVE that ice cream of the future! I know people knock it, but it just feels so cool (no pun intended)in my mouth. (I know this thought is not very deep, but it's my thought. They're not all winners.)

**For the past two nights I have been feeding my brain with pleasant images before I go to sleep, to see if I'll dream about them...AND I HAVE. For now, I will see this as a coincidence, but if it happens a third - no, let's say a fourth time in a row, you'll have to admit that that's pretty fucking cool.

**With the help of my very good friend, Brook, I have made my very first plushie! I'm currently in the process of finishing two more, so I can give them to my niece and nephews when I visit California. I'm actually having fun with it. I have a lot yet to learn, but I already have ideas for another one. I'll post pictures when I'm done with all of them. Although I like making them (so far), I don't want to feel like I'm copying a craft that my friend has sort of made a niche for. She's the original plushie queen, and I don't want to feel like a copy-cat.

Well, there you have it. The innards of my brain. I've left out the smaller thoughts of "I'm gassy - ooh, bacon - I'm sleepy - I'm hungry - what's that smell - mmm, bacon", but those are usually always streaming in my mind. Those thoughts and the constant streaming of the song "Cars" by Gary Numan...

"'Here in my car
I feel safest of all
I can lock all my doors
It's the only way to live
In cars (doo-do doo-do. doo-do doo-do)"


Gary Numan Pictures

AADD

I have AADD

That's Artist's Attention Deficit Disorder.

I walked into Collage yesterday, where I immediately transformed into a kid in a candy store, or- more accurately- an artist in an art store.

Actually, the more appropriate description would be the starving artist in the art store.

In my dream home, I would have a room that looked like Collage. Every tool imaginable for any craft or artform that exists, all at my fingertips! What do I want to do today? Jewelery making? Ok! How about playing with stamps, or metal, or wood-carving, felt, watercolor, clay, EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING!

Sigh.

But I had $15 to spend, and all the smart-shopping in the world would not prepare me to buy all the goodies I desire with $15 dollars.

So I roamed the store, craft table to craft table...what do I want to work on?

I seem to start about a million projects, and finish none. I can't seem to stick to one medium long enough to see anything through, and that, my friends, is discouraging.

I've got some surprises in the works. Something I've never tried before, so I have a dear friend showing me the ropes. Fingers crossed, let's hope I don't suck, and let's hope even more that I don't give up. Because giving up sucks. I know. I give up on things a lot.

I mean A LOT.

It sucks.

Can you tell that I'm in a sort of rut?

It kind of sucks.

Aunt Ilse

Aunt Ilse and Dad:

I wouldn't have the job I have (and love) without her. I wouldn't have the love of simple, antiquated Victorian treasures, and I wouldn't still have the belief (even if during my adult years it's only slight) that dolls and teddy bears come to life when no one's there to see them, if I didn't have her in my life. I never knew her for the full woman that she was, only as my Aunt Ilse who loved me despite the time and space between visits, and who never let me leave her home without a dolly or bear under my arm.

I always felt so close to her, though never admitted it to anyone else in the family. She taught me how to write calligraphy, and with that, she helped me develop a skill and respect for lettering, which I now use everyday for a living. Through her avid doll and teddy bear collecting, she showed me that even if you have a rare and sought-after item, it's usually the most simple piece that is valued the most, even if it's by no one but yourself, because it has sentimental value. And from her I inherited the habit of constantly re-heating food because it starts to get too cool for your liking - I'm with you on that, Aunt Ilse.

As would be expected, I am sad to know that my Aunt Ilse is no longer with us - I have shed my tears. But I also feel a sense of peace, knowing that she is no longer suffering, no longer lost in a world within her mind that has long since abandoned her. She gets to be free from her ailing body, and I'm sure wherever she is, Uncle Hank is waiting for her with a hug and witty little joke.

My dolls and teddy bears have long been donated and sold at garage sales, except those she gave me (and a few others that hold sentimental value). And just like these precious toys that I will never part with, so too shall the love I have for her stay forever in my heart.

Another New Year Post

A new year.

A new day.

A new start.

What do I want to do?

More.

That is my New Year's resolution. More.

Every year I make specific resolutions, and by the end of the year some of those goals don't seem so important anymore. A lot can change in a year. Focus and priorities shift, and discoveries are made to make me reconsider what is important to me at that moment in time. As I let go of some of these resolutions, I get upset with myself, because I feel as though I am giving up or failing. I also hesitate to do something else, or set a different goal, because I feel I should stick to my original goals, for the principal of the matter. I hem and haw, hesitate and pause, and find that a year has gone by and I haven't done, seen, or been nearly enough that I wanted to do, see and be. So all I can say to myself is that whatever path I choose to take, whatever new plans I choose to make, and dreams I grab onto, I will do more with them. And if it all changes in a day, I will be okay, as long as I keep moving, and doing more.

I will do more.

I will love more.

I will be more.

Off

It's been one of those days...

You know, where everything is just...off. Even as I write this, my computer is glitching, showing each letter one keystroke late.

Time to reboot.

...

...

...

Okay, I'm back.

I know everyone has had many of these days. Nothing tragic has happened. Nothing overly dramatic. I'm just off kilter with the rest of my surroundings, and it makes me want to hide.

I wait and wait for an expected call, only for it to come whilst sitting on the toilet, and my phone is juuuuuust out of reach.

I get no texts at all throughout the day, that is, right until I start driving.

Everywhere I need to get to while I'm at work, someone's already standing there, blocking that one spot I need to reach...and they're the only one around.

Each and every red light stops by to say, "Hello, Krisha. Whatcha doing?"

I feel invisible to every car on the road. My turn to go - oh, okay, I guess you can go first. Oh, you too, truck? Well, surely you can see me, my lights are on - oh, hey now, please don't hit me.

It's like I woke up a beat off to the song called "Today", and I've never been able to sync up with the rhythm. It makes me sigh.

Oh, and just as I was about to publish this post, my cat peed on the carpet.

Aaaaaand post.